Dr. John Townsend

Month: December 2017

  • Your Personal Growth Strategy

    Your Personal Growth Strategy

    During year’s end, and often in the early parts of the new year, most leaders do some sort of long-range planning so that things will be more productive, fruitful or profitable over time. This is where strategies and new approaches can really pay off for both the leader and the organization. Thoughtful evaluation, analysis, and strategies are keys to all levels of success.

    And yet there is also a living, breathing person underneath your leadership hat. That person is you. Just as your organization needs long-term growth planning, so do you!

    The return on investment is great for the leader who takes a little time out to plan a personal growth strategy. What do we mean by, “personal growth strategy?” Basically, it involves addressing your spiritual, relational and emotional life in ways that will help you grow and be a better, more fulfilled and productive person. Leaders who do tasks well, but neglect their internal worlds, are often ultimately in jeopardy in both areas. So it pays off to take a look at your life below the hat.  Here are some tips and guidelines for doing that.

    Go deeper than the obvious. Often, when working on the personal arena, leaders will assume they need to look at activities such as losing weight, working out, spending more time with spouses and kids, having regular devotionals, and getting involved in a small group. While these are important matters, it would be helpful to add to them some deeper elements of growth which drive your activities, your vision, and life. Don’t avoid areas of struggle that you find keep you from being the leader you would like to be. 

    For example, ask yourself:

    -What is the quality of my relationships at work and in life? Am I able to open up and be vulnerable to those who are safe? Or is it hard for me to trust others?

    -What is the place of relationship at work for me? Do I get more into the “task” end of things, and forget the feelings of others?  Or do I have the opposite problem?

    -How honest am I in my relationships?  Do I avoid confronting others when it is needed? Or am I able to be direct and loving with people in my life?

    -Can I make my choices even when it disappoints others?  Am I able to freely make the right decisions, based on God, wisdom and good values? Or do I find myself caught not wanting others to have negative reactions to me?

    Once you have found a few of these that mean something to you, you are on the way!  You are now addressing concerns that affect your leadership, and all aspects of life.

    Get resourced. The fact that you have identified areas of growth for yourself means something important:  that you haven’t attained what you want in these areas yet. And that probably also means that you can’t pull this off, in your own strength, willpower and resolve.  So give up on trying harder! It’s overrated:  “What I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do (Rom. 7:15).”  The answer is to reach outside of yourself and get resourced. Ask God for His help, by Word, and by Spirit. Go to experienced guides and mentors who have been down the road in your area of concern. Find books, groups, and information on your issues.  There is a wealth of resourcing available.  No more Lone Ranger growth.

    Make your plans and goals. By the end of ’18, what would you like to look back on and see? A significant increase in how you trust, and in your ability to choose safe people? A better balance of being both relational and task-oriented as a leader? Is it easier to confront and be honest with others? Can you let down people and still make the right decisions?

    These sorts of goals aren’t highly quantifiable, as revenues, profits, and numbers of people in a ministry might be.  But if you pay attention to these, and listen to the feedback of others, you will see real change.

    Here is an example of a plan:  Say you want to become more vulnerable and accessible to those around you. You read up, pray up, and start meeting regularly with those who know these matters.

    You let them know why this is hard for you, and what you may fear, or not have the ability to do. These people surround you, make it safe for you, practice opening up with you, and give you grace and feedback. You find that you are able to open up more, and you bring that ability from your support network to your family and trusted work relationships. They give you positive feedback (hopefully!) and the cycle continues. It’s a little different from a spreadsheet, but the point is this:  your personal growth efforts should bear fruit in change that you and that others will see and experience.

    So carve out some “growth hours” for yourself and see a difference in ’18.  God bless you.

    “Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion; until the day of Christ Jesus.” – Philippians  1:6

  • Listening Well

    Listening Well

    Successful people generally share several key traits. One of those is being a good listener.

    But, how do you become a good listener? It doesn’t happen overnight and there’s no magic switch.

    Start by taking the initiative to enter the point of view of those around you. That is the essence of good listening and a form of empathy. It’s just a basic human need, like air or water. It is the art of understanding how others experience reality.

    You have to get out of your opinion and into theirs, at least temporarily. This is hard work for anyone because you have to wear both hats. These tips will help you be a great listener:

    • Ask someone how they’re doing. Don’t wait for them to come up and tell you what’s going on.
    • Ask open-ended questions. For example, “How’s it going?” is better than, “things are good, right?”
    • Ask a few times. Ask follow-up questions. That conveys you really want to hear their experience and they are much more likely to tell you what’s really going on.
    • When you get the info, find how they feel before providing a solution. Instead of, “OK, try this solution”, say, “That must be frustrating” or “I’d be overwhelmed myself” or “That would bug me too.” You have just entered a place inside their heads where few people go and you have now become a significant person for them.
    • Don’t worry that listening means agreement. Many people hesitate in listening because they are concerned the person will think, “Great, you agree with me.” If that is true, you need to deal with that person’s attitude of entitlement. But most of the time, people don’t assume that. You can say “That’s a tough situation” and later in the same conversation say, “I think you dropped the ball” and both are true.
    • Don’t give advice until you know they need it. My experience is that, over half the time, if you listen well and support, people are smart enough to solve their own challenges, and your “being there” was all they needed.

    Let TownsendNOW help open your eyes and ears.

     

  • Say What You Want

    Say What You Want

    When you think of the “successful people” you know, what comes to mind? Do they have some sort of je ne sais quoi you might be missing out on?

    The answer is really simple – they have the ability to ask regularly for what they want. More often than not, successful people make simple asks and get what they want.

    The “want list” can be anything, including:

    • How you want your kids, spouse, date, or friend to behave
    • What you want to do on date night
    • The results you want your co-workers or employees to deliver
    • A better price on a product or service
    • Where you’d like to vacation next year

    On the other hand, I find people who struggle with saying what they want also have trouble finding success. There are lots of reasons for this, such as not wanting to seem selfish or uncaring, not wanting to put people to a lot of trouble, or not wanting to alienate anyone.

    All of these obstacles point to a single issue: the belief that wanting something is a win-lose transaction. If I get what I want, someone has to lose. I’ll get the better business deal, but the other person will resent me. I’ll tell my kids I insist that they clean up their room, but they’ll escalate. I’ll ask for the results from my employees, but they will think I’m demanding.

    While this does happen sometimes, if you try to spend your time with reasonable people, no one really minds. In fact, reasonable people prefer to know what you want. Then it’s clear. They are informed as to whether they can say “yes,” “no,” or “I have an alternative.”

    Here are a few tips to lead and live better with directness:

    • Remember how annoyed you get when someone won’t get to the point and is indirect? You don’t want to be that person either.
    • Figure out your “ask” ahead of time. If it’s something important, think it through: is it reasonable on my part? Is the timing right? Does it take the other person’s interests into consideration, because I authentically care about them?
    • Gain access to your internal desires. When you’re hungry, you say, “Pull the car over, let’s go to that restaurant.” In the same way, when you can feel the positive excitement of reaching a goal, then use that feeling as a motivator for those around you.
    • Expect a positive response. When you think, “She and I are both nice people and there’s no reason this can’t go well,” you are not afraid. You are confident and that calms the other person down. But when you are afraid and expect a tantrum or a negative response, you are more likely to get that. People can sense fear.
    • Look them in the eye. People trust someone who looks at them directly. It’s respectful and it’s definite. The shifty looking away out of anxiety conveys that something is wrong, and trust becomes an issue.
    • Stop talking and give them space to answer. Don’t let your unease make you fill in the blanks with lots of nothing talk, like, “But you know you have a choice” (they know), or “And here’s another reason” (they have heard enough reasons). People need room in their heads to deliberate on what you want and what they’d like to do.

    The Bible says we have not because we ask not. Mick Jagger says, “we can’t always get what we want, but if we try sometimes, we get what we need.”

    I put God way above Mick, but both ideas are helpful!