Dr. John Townsend

Leaders and counselors must be focused on hope, which I define as an expectation of a desired outcome. Both groups of specialists are applying their expertise, time, and energy on some result that, by definition, can’t be achieved today. The project, the healing and the goal are targeted to be accomplished in the future.

It is nearly impossible to persevere, meet challenges, and recover from failures, if you do not have hope. How many times have you been working way too long and hard, with no success in sight, and felt yourself begin to lose hope? A lack of hope drains our energy and slows us down.

So be intentional about finding realistic hope. Leaders and counselors can go to several sources to feel that positivity that they need to experience, for example:

Your realistic assessment of the outcome. Sometimes it simply helps to review the project list and see that while the goal is a bit scary, you have prepared, thought through things, listened to experts, put a plan together, and have marshaled your resources. Readiness brings confidence, and confidence brings hope.

Your own history of success. One of the best predictors of the future is the past. Winners often remember other times that they have pulled off a significant success. That memory serves to remind you that you have done good things, and that there are reasons why.

Your insides. My model for success is that people who get things done have both Competence and Character. Your most important resources are these two: the fact that you have become skilled and expert in some areas; and that you are a person of integrity and connectedness.

God’s guidance. If God is behind something, it simply cannot fail: He has unshakable plans to prosper us (Jer. 29:11). When we surrender our future to Him, and He is leading, all is well.

The success of others. Knowing and talking to people who have overcome in tough times is also a great hope-builder. Find those whose challenges are similar to what you face, and gain strength from their stories, both face to face and in histories and biographies.

A Brief Warning: Stay Away from “Defensive Hope”

There is a type of hope that won’t help you. Psychologists call it defensive hope. This is an expectation of a good outcome that is based on nothing but wishes and desires. There is no reality to the expectation, and it will fail you. For example:
• I hope my company does better, because I really hope it will
• I hope my kids succeed, because I really want them to
• I hope my marriage flourishes, because I’m a positive person
Optimism is a good thing, but defensive hope makes us work hard on something when it might be time to prune back and face reality

So be a hopeful person, and do it the right way! Best to you.

Life is all about self improvement and growth. The happiest and most successful people are those who have some structured commitment to a growth process. There are two kinds of growth, and it’s important to understand them. Then you can decide what kind of context, time and energy to engage with them in.

Optimizing Growth. I am referring here to the fact that all of us have potential to do something, or be someone at a higher level than we are currently. We were designed to reach our potential, and maximize our impact on the world. Some examples of optimizing growth would be: identifying and developing your gifts and talents, finding your innate passions in work or service, landing on your mission in life and expressing that, having great family and friend relationships, and being as in-shape and healthy as possible. I spend a lot of time reading research, and the areas of positive psychology, as well as neurobiology, have much to offer in this arena. Some context for optimizing growth might be joining a career development group, hiring a coach, learning a sport or musical instrument, or starting a life team for personal growth.

Healing Growth. We also all need to heal from something, as we all have our own baggage and brokenness to deal with. Some of us have minor issues, and some have disabling ones. But nobody doesn’t have something to heal from (pardon the double negative). This might refer to depression, anxiety, substance issues, addictions and relational struggles. When we pay attention to these in a structured context, great healing is possible and probable. The clinical as well as neurobiological research areas are very helpful here. Some growth structures here could be: finding a therapist, engaging in a Celebrate Recovery ministry or starting a life team for personal growth. I mention life teams because they are excellent for both.

Also, if you are a leader, the Townsend Leadership Program has been designed for both types of growth. Leaders work on their leadership and organizational potential, and also on being the healthiest people possible. We have teams all across the nation. If you’re interested in this, contact our National Director Elaine Morris: elaine@townsendleadership.com.
Best to your growth!
-John

Pain, or discomfort, is a normal and expected part of leadership. Pain is all around you as you lead, every day, in some form. For example, it’s painful and uncomfortable to deal with:

• Revenue challenges
• Sales issues
• Execution problems
• Team dysfunctions
• The demand of your people
• Motivation challenges in your people

The list can go on. But the best leaders are those who have discovered the secret of understanding, and dealing with, the two types of pain. Once this becomes part of your skill set, things go much better and more productively. I have contextualized these ideas for leaders from my new book The Entitlement Cure. Here they are:

Symptom Pain: This is the sort of discomfort that alerts the leader to a challenge that must be addressed. It is a symptom with a cause underneath it, just the way a fever is the symptom of an infection, and the way a lit-up oil gauge is the symptom of an engine problem. The function of symptom pain is simply to let you know it’s time to dig into what’s really going on. The items at the list above are symptoms. They bother us and take our attention, but they are driven by something deeper. And that deeper issue requires understanding the second kind of pain:

Success Pain: Success pain is the discomfort that comes from doing what is necessary to root out the cause of the symptom. It is uncomfortable to take your antibiotics, to take time off from work when they need you at the office, and to modify your food intake and activities. But that resolves the fever. And it is uncomfortable to take your car to the mechanic, get a rental for the day, and pay for the cost of repairing the engine. But that is the only way the light will go off, and for you to know that your car is healthy.

Marginally successful leaders are those who focus only on the symptom, and don’t look below it. For example, a sales manager whose team is not landing the sales might say, “You guys need to make more phone calls. Here’s your new goal: make 20% more phone calls. Go for it!” There are a few times where this might be the solution, but in my experience with organizations, that’s the right thing to do about 5% of the time. Great leaders know there can be a number of things that are driving the poor sales, and they will delve into these, for example:

• Lack of role clarity
• Products that have little market value
• Lack of goal clarity
• Lack of resourcing
• Focusing on the wrong drivers
• A culture of entitlement
• A culture of fear

It is painful to do the work to figure out what the real cause it. It is also uncomfortable, and takes significant energy, to then solve the real problem. But that sort of investment will pay off in time.

So the secret is this: use the symptom pain to ask “why” and find the success pain. That is how you can solve challenges once and for all, and move on in your organization. Ultimately, the resolution of the symptom will mean that your company is healthier and better. Best to your leadership.

Leaders who get great results over a sustainable time period have a secret sauce: they are good listeners. They know how to “get into the head” of their people.

It used to be that listening was perceived as something reserved for human resources, shrinks and spiritual directors. But tons of research shows that CEO’s, executives and owners must have competency here as well. Your employees can be well trained, well resourced and have clarity of their roles. But if they don’t feel you understand them, performance simply drops over time.

Your people need for you take initiative to enter their point of view. That is the essence of good listening, and it is a form of empathy. It’s just a basic human need, like air or water. It is the art of understanding how they experience reality, not how you experience reality. You have to get out of your opinion, and into theirs, temporarily. This is hard work for a leader, because you also have to be the visionary who sees a future reality that others don’t. But you have to wear both hats. These tips will help you be a great listening leader:

• Take initiative to ask them how things are going. Don’t wait for them to come up and tell you what’s going on. This “walk-around management is a great use of your time.

• Ask open ended questions, not yes-no questions. For example, “So how’s it going?” is better than, “Things are good, right?” You’ll get more needed data and more loyalty that way.

• Ask a few times. Most of the time, when they are asked “How’s it going”, that the answer should be, “Fine.” And that’s what they will say. But after the “Fine,” just ask, “So how are things with the Green account?” or “How are things going in the role we have for you?” That conveys you really want to hear their experience, and they are much more likely to tell you what’s really going on.

• When you get the info, find how they feel before providing a solution. Instead of, “OK, the Green account is having problems, try this”, say, “That must be frustrating” or “I’d be overwhelmed myself” or “That would bug me too.” You have just entered a place inside their heads where few people go, and you have now become a significant person for them.

• Don’t worry that listening means agreement. Many leaders hesitate from listening, because they are concerned that the person will think Great, you agree with me. If that is true, you need to deal with that person’s entitlement attitude. But most of the time, people don’t assume that. You can say “That’s a tough situation” and later in the same conversation say, “I think you dropped the ball” and both are true.

• Don’t give advice until you know they need it. Leaders tend to “fragilize” their people, thinking that their employees just can’t think for themselves and solve problems. Sometimes they do need your advice. But my experience is that over half the time, if you listen well and support, they are smart enough to solve their own challenges, and your “being there” was all they needed. If that isn’t enough, they will tell you.

Be a listener. Be a challenger too, but that’s for a future blog. Best to your leadership!

Commitments are critical to leaders. When your people follow through with commitments, things go well. When they don’t, systems, processes and relationships suffer. And ultimately, the customer suffers as well. Unfortunately, there are cultural forces that minimize the importance of commitments, and can damage a company’s performance. In my new book The Entitlement Cure, I explain this problem and its solutions. If you lead, this will help you.

The world is built on commitments. They are the glue that holds everything together, and keep people and organizations in a state of trust. Here are some examples:
• Treaties: how companies stay in a state of peace with each other. When treaties are kept, they are good neighbors. When they are broken, chaos ensues.
• Vows: the commitments people make when they marry: for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, for better or worse.
• Contracts: how organizations structure their deliverable and payments to customers and clients.
• Agreements: how individuals promise to treat each other mutually.

In leadership, contracts and agreements are critical. Simply stated, someone promises to deliver W with X parameters for Y price by Z date. But when an entitlement attitude is present, this is dismissed. The person may think, “I’ve got a lot to do, I can be excused from doing this as promised” or “Why be so anal-retentive? It’s approximately what was promised, if not exactly.” I do a lot of manufacturing consulting, and I can tell you with their requirements for precision, that doesn’t fly!

If you see this attitude in your staff, your leaders, your employees or yourself, you need to change things asap. Take these steps:

• Talk about making inconvenient commitments. Promises are inconvenient for a reason: that’s why they are commitments! To show up on time at a concert by your favorite band isn’t hard. But getting a needed report in, that the team is waiting on, while not fun, is critical.
• Up the ante to “beyond.” Help your organization think about not just keeping commitments, but going above and beyond. Being early. Getting reports in ahead of time. Going the extra mile for your team. Surprising the customer with great deliverables. This makes a difference in the company’s performance.
• Let people know their impact. I mentioned in an earlier article about the value of impact statements. People need to hear how it felt when they cancel a lunch at the last meeting because they were busy, as well as how it felt when they went to some trouble to follow through. We are relational beings, and our impact matters to one another.

Make and keep commitments. Model it, and expect it. Best to your leadership.

When you want to get the best out of your key people, or simply to correct a problem, use what I call an impact statement. This is simply a few sentences letting people know how their actions affect the performance and the culture of your organization.

The great majority of us care deeply about how we affect those around us. We want to know that people see us as adding value, supporting others authentically, and pulling our own weight. An impact statement is designed to draw on this need, as it can drive home how we affect those we are around. There are four types of statements that I train leaders and teams to use with each other:

A positive impact on performance. People need to know that you see and appreciate how they contribute to the organization’s success. You have no idea how much of a difference a brief specific and authentic statement makes: “Traci, I just wanted you to know that I saw your results on the Green account. You knocked it out of the park. Congratulations!”

A positive impact on culture. Research has shown, time and time again, that culture eats strategy for breakfast. A statement to a person about how they are driving relationships and teams well helps guarantee that they will repeat what they are doing: “When I was at your team meeting, I was impressed by how you handled negative attitudes and moved toward them without getting defensive, and then you eventually won them over. Great job!”

A negative impact on performance. People get busy, and they often don’t stop to consider how their actions affect others. The leader has a responsibility to bring that to light, and it helps everyone: “Tom, when you were late again on the report, it derailed all of us and slowed the process down quite a bit. We really need you to make punctuality a high priority, because we’re all depending on you. Is there anything I can do to help?”

A negative impact on culture. Humans matter to other humans, in all sorts of subtle ways: the words we use, our body language and our attitudes toward each other. Leaders often shy away from this one as it isn’t very metric, but you have to do it for yourself and the organization: “My impression is that you’re working in a silo and don’t want to be disturbed. While I appreciate your work ethic, it makes me hesitate about coming to talk with you briefly, as I am concerned you don’t want to be disturbed. If I feel that way, my guess is that your team does too. This slows down the team trust we are trying to develop. How can I help you with this?”

An impact statement does just that: it makes an impact. I have had people tell me years after I mentioned one of these to them, that it made a positive difference in their careers and lives. Use the leadership chair you sit in to employ this valuable tool.