Planning

Patience is a Better Friend than a Foe

February 8, 2020 by Dr. John Townsend Leave a Comment

It is just hard, hard, hard to be patient. It’s so easy to be frustrated and even jump the gun on situations that involve time, and ending up making poor decisions. But learning to be competent in the skill of patience is a secret that people who accomplish great things in life know well.

All of us want the same things, in general, in life: great relationships and families, a meaningful job, enough money to make our way, good health, self-improvement and a way to give back to the world. And each of these endeavors requires a certain amount of planning, resource, support and time, for them to work. Patience is about handling the time element.

We can’t ignore or rush time. It is just too important. We have to adapt to it, and not oppose it, to get what we want.

Time is the process of events that makes it all happen well:

It takes time to cook a great meal. The oven’s heat mashes all the ingredients together in the oven, and in a while, a great meal comes out.
It takes time to go on a fitness plan and then see results.
It takes time to create a project at work, and then launch it, hoping it will bear fruit.
It takes time to find the right relationship, and then develop it in a healthy way.

And for most of what matters to us, there is no shortcut, no “microwave” to any of these. If there was, we would probably have discovered them by now.

Patience is simply the act of mentally making friends with time. That is, not fighting the process, not ignoring it, and not rushing it. But adapting to time’s requirements while being happy about it. Here are some tips to help when you find yourself frustrated by time:

Determine how important your desired outcome actually is to you. Sometimes we get bent out of shape about a desire that’s really not worth that kind of mental expenditure. It’s one thing to learn to be patient about seeing if your work project will bring results in time. It’s another to see if Netflix will continue a show you like for another season. Just consider the value of what you’re working on.

Establish as much planning and control as possible on the outcome you desire. It’s one thing to be impatient with ourselves in getting in shape, or finding a relationship, when we haven’t taken some risks and made some effort. We should actually be a bit impatient with our passivity, solve that problem first, and get moving. But when we have done the work of planning and controlling whatever we can in the goal, just the knowledge that we have done our part can help us be more patient.

Have your “internal thinker” help your “internal feeler.” Our brains have both rational and emotional parts to them. Frustration with how long something takes is a feeling, not a thought. When you find yourself frustrated, just remind yourself on a thinking level, that you have a plan and a hope, and that your efforts and your patience will hopefully be worth it all. That can often increase patience, and decrease impatience.

Engage in something else that’s current. Nothing makes us crazier than obsessing on the plan, or the person, or what results aren’t happening now. When our mental energy is focused primarily on the future outcome we want, instead of what’s happening today, it can lead to feelings of powerlessness and lack of contentment. So return to the “now” in your life: the activities and conversations that bring you joy and are productive for you. Sometimes it helps to find things that have an instant result as well: a conversation with a positive person, a walk outside or tv show you enjoy.

Vent to a safe person. We are more likely to be impatient when we don’t share our frustrations with others. It is a kind of isolation, and isolation never helps anything. A brief conversation with someone who “gets you”, even if they can’t help you speed things up, will strengthen your patience.

Nothing that truly matters is instant. And everything that matters requires time. Learn patience, and the passage of time waiting for results, will be your friend, not your foe.

Best,

John

Closure Can Be Overrated

February 1, 2020 by Dr. John Townsend Leave a Comment

Have you ever had a task you felt you just had to finish or it would drive you crazy, and you ended up being late to a meeting as a result? It could be finishing a report, making a brief phone call that’s been on your to-do list for awhile, or cleaning up the house before you leave, and that few minutes makes the rest of the day a bit rushed.

Most of us are very familiar with that experience. It has some minor OCD components, and has to do with an overdeveloped need for closure that can make life a bit frantic and frustrating for us. Simply put, closure is the act of bringing end to a matter, to reduce mental disorder. It’s not fun to have lots of things hanging on unfinished in our heads, like strands of threads on a shirt. So we tidy up. However, when we get caught up in a “closure frenzy”, even if it’s a few minutes, it can make life harder. We can be late to appointments, not feel good, and let people down we care about. Here are some tips to balance out on closure.

Reduce your daily to-do list tasks. Most to-do lists, whether on your app or a piece of paper, are about 50% too long. We set them up because we are optimistic, but we end up feeling bad because we have to reschedule them and kick the can down the road. Just put on your day what you actually have time for, between scheduled meetings. Giving yourself a break here will decrease the need for premature closure.

Reflect on what is important. At the beginning of your day, consider what really matters. Think of the meaningful jobs and projects you are working on, and the people you care about, that you don’t want to be late for. This sets your mind out of the “urgent” mode into the “important” mode.

Practice leaving things undone. It strengthens our mind to walk away from unnecessary closure. If you’re in the middle of something that is not truly an emergency, and you see by the time, that you need to get off your phone app or get away from your computer, shut down and walk away or make the call, whatever is due next. Be intentional about this, because this is practice. You are likely to encounter anxious feelings and negative self-talk such as “I hate leaving this” or “Just a couple minutes more and I’ll be finished.” But face the discomfort and remember that very successful people always have something undone. It will get better over time.

Be happy about the benefit. What is the benefit? Being on time and not rushing in apologizing, being relaxed, and being ready to tackle the next thing.

Closure is a great tool! But it must serve your priorities, not determine them. As I write this, I’m leaving some notes on my whiteboard that I’d love to finish and be done with, but I have a meeting I need to be on time to…☺

Best,

John

Have a Sane Christmas This Year

December 20, 2019 by Dr. John Townsend Leave a Comment

Christmas is a wonderful holiday, with family, friends, faith and great times all rolled up together. But it’s more likely than not that you are feeling pressured to get it all done, whatever you have determined “it all” is. You may also remember last Christmas, when afterwards, you felt a bit burnt out and in need of recovery.

This Christmas doesn’t need to be that way! Here are some tips to help you have a Christmas this year where sanity rules.

Get away from it all for a few minutes, every day. The Christmas season is double duty: on top of family and job responsibilities, there are presents to buy and wrap, plus lots of events to attend. It’s literally a second full time job. So you must find at least 20 minutes in a row every day to stop, put the phone on silent, go into another room, or take a walk, but somehow give your brain a break and simply do some deep breathing, relaxing and reflecting on something positive: gratitude for something good that is happening, a relationship that means something to you, a good job you accomplished at work. Otherwise you’ll end your day feeling frazzled. That 20 minutes will make a huge difference.

Prune back 20%. We never never never get our entire “to do” list done for Christmas. Then we feel stressed. The problem is, the stress doesn’t come from not getting it all done. The stress comes from expecting too much of ourselves. So write out and prioritize what is truly important and what is just sort of urgent but in the end, not all that important. Then knock off 20% of what you planned to do. It will not be easy, but I promise you, freedom is on the other end of that pruning and you will start to feel lighter with a little time and money margin during the season.

Go for experiences more than things. Most of us have a lot of stuff. It’s rare that a tangible Christmas present will really transform your year. So give, and ask for, experiences: nights out, shows to see, hikes, mini-vacays, etc. One of my favorite experiences was another couple taking my wife and me to a store where they showed us how to make coffee mugs by hand. I have remembered that for years, while I’ve forgotten the great majority of tangibles I’ve received.

Pick who and how you spend your time with. At your gatherings and parties, don’t let crazy Uncle Bill dominate the event by controlling the conversation and making it about himself, or by just being rude. Don’t walk off in a huff from Uncle Bill, but be polite, spend about 2 minutes with him, then excuse yourself and walk over to where someone who is warm and interesting is. Plant yourself there. Have 2-3 conversations with people like that. It will really help. And Bill probably won’t even notice you weren’t around.

There is still time for sanity this year!!!! And Merry Christmas to you and yours.

John

Your Brain is Worth Changing Your Lifestyle For

November 1, 2019 by Dr. John Townsend Leave a Comment

We all know the importance of brain health. The research is so strong about how much better our lives are if our brain is doing well. For example, Harvard Health Publishing suggests the following habits to follow:

Get mental stimulation
Get physical exercise
Improve your diet
Improve your blood pressure
Improve your blood sugar
Improve your cholesterol
Consider low-dose aspirin
Avoid tobacco
Don’t abuse alcohol
Care for your emotions
Protect your head
Build social networks

This is a very well done and comprehensive list. However, most of us look at these habits and think, “Well, I’m working on a few of these, already, I’m doing well on these few, and I’m not sure I have time and energy for those few.” It can be a bit overwhelming. Here are some ideas for busy people, to put a bit of time in for a healthy brain:

Get external support for working out. Exercise helps cover a number of the above good habits. Having worked with many executives who struggle in the area of working out, my experience is that the #1 key to a lifetime of working out several times a week, is bringing others into your regimen. That can mean working out with someone, joining a class, having someone send you a support text on the days you are scheduled to hit the gym, or hiring a trainer. We are more motivated and consistent when we stop doing this as a lone ranger, and bring someone else into the situation.

Engage in gaining info about the brain once a week. What we think about, we focus on, and consequently, we are more prone to follow up about. Just spend 10 minutes a week reading an online article, or listening to a podcast, or watching a YouTube video on brain health. It will help keep you interested and motivated.

Notice your improvements. Nothing keeps us moving better than seeing small, incremental successes each week. It might be as simple as getting on the scale, or seeing yourself do better on a crossword puzzle. Baby steps help a lot here.

Take your future seriously. Most of us have a lot going on in the present that keeps us very busy: kids, marriage, relationships, careers and a social life. It is so easy to live day-by-day. Pulling back and looking at our lives year-by-year doesn’t feel real. But successful people, including those who are successful in brain health, never forget the future. It is coming, and just because we don’t see it, that train is always headed toward us. Be prepared by taking care of your brain. It is the same reasoning that makes us want to save for retirement, before we get too old to generate the savings we need.

So take some time in your calendar to be nice to your brain. It will thank you, in the form of clarity, memory, positivity and energy.

Best,

John

The Oldest Shoe Store in America and What We Can Learn from It

September 4, 2019 by Dr. John Townsend Leave a Comment

My wife Barbi and I recently returned from a combination trip of attending a close friend’s destination wedding, plus vacationing, both in the beautiful state of Maine. We stayed in the downtown area of the seaport village of Belfast. Across the street from us was a brick building with the sign: “Colburn Shoes: Oldest Shoe Store in America 1832.” 187 years. Now that is a run!

Since I do a great deal of work with family businesses, I had to find out their secret sauce. So we walked over and got to know Brian Horne, the father of the present owner, Colby, who purchased it from his dad a few years back. Brian was generous in providing me with time and information.

The story is that the Colburn family originally owned and operated the store for several generations, then the Horne family bought it from them a few generations ago, but kept the name. It has been in continual operation all that time. I asked Brian the secret to this sort of amazing longevity. He said it came down to 2 things:

Keeping up with the product. Brian said shoe lines and styles are always changing, and someone has to continue researching what will work in the current market.
Prioritizing great customer service. The Colburn staff spends a great deal of time with their customers, both local and vacationers like us. I observed that dynamic in a couple of trips to the store. They were engaging with the shoppers, asking questions and finding out what they were interested in.

I asked about internet competition with brick and mortar establishments. Brian said, “We had some scares in the beginning of that shift. But shoes seem to be a product that requires a tangible and personal shopping experience, so we have done all right.” Barbi and I were also impressed with our own personal shopping experience, enough so that she bought a couple of pairs of shoes, and I bought my first-ever Birkenstocks. See the photo of Brian, my Birks and me.

Now, on a leadership and business level, think about the two secret sauces. The first is task-related: knowing and having the right product. The second is people-related: connecting and communicating with people. It always boils down, ultimately, to these two.

We can all learn from the Colburn story. Go visit them on your next trip to Maine!

Best,

John

The Keys to Any Great Team

August 19, 2019 by Dr. John Townsend Leave a Comment

Life, job and just about anything work better when we’re on teams. There is an enormous amount of research on the power of great teamwork. Whether it be an executive group, a sales and marketing team, or a team of parents coordinating for a kids’ soccer league, teams make matters better. I never thought I would write a blog with the cliché, “Team Work makes the Dream Work”, but it’s actually true! We accomplish more together than by ourselves, and with the right teammates, we are also happier and more engaged.

I’ll be writing a book on the power of teams, and here is my model of the 4 aspects of any great one. Check them out, and see which of the 4 is one you can implement within your own team to make things run lots better:

Conviction: When we have conviction, we are guided by our mission and core values, as opposed to our feelings for the moment, or the stresses and glitches of the day. Teams that have conviction are clear in their mission, for example, “We are here to make Acme Tech more productive.” And they are clear on the “compass” of their values, such as excellence, quality and taking care of people. Great teams keep mission and values front and center. They talk about them. They make decisions based on them. They keep them relevant.

Cohesiveness: A great team connects, which is what the word means, connection. They bond to each other and care about each other. There is a big difference between a team that is functionally cohesive, and one that is relationally cohesive. Functional cohesion is basically about reliability and dependability in task. It’s important and necessary. But functional cohesion alone will never create a great team, only a good one. A great team is not only functionally cohesive, but relationally cohesive, meaning personally and emotionally connected. The members are vulnerable with each other, with no fear of judgment or “scorekeeping.” They give and receive energy and positivity with each other.

Clarity: Teams need role clarity. Each person needs to know what their tasks and job description are, and how to stay in their lane. Then they are more effective and efficient. And you avoid the problem of someone neglecting what is unique to their responsibilities, and going to a lane where the other person is already working. Which sort of annoys the other person as well. Clarity is king.

Candor. When a team has conviction, cohesiveness and clarity, these make it safe enough to have the honest and frank conversations. A great team gives and receives feedback that is both positive and negative, though respectful as well. We benefit when someone says, “Hey, we have a problem here.” You don’t want the mission to be sidelined because no one spoke up, for fear of disrupting things. Candor helps a team disrupt in a positive direction.

Teams are a great way to not only get things done, but to also feel like you’re part of something larger than you, and that has purpose. Here’s to your great team.

John