Dr. John Townsend

Dr. John Townsend and his team offer executive coaching, corporate consulting, and leadership training in a variety or programs. Join us today!

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Leadership and Relationships: The Two-Way Street

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I was talking with a CEO of a company and finding out how he was doing in his business and his life. I asked him, “How are things going in your personal relationships? Do you think you have enough good quality connections?”

“Sure I do”, he answered. “I’ve got some really great friendships.”

I said, “That’s great. Now, how many of those friends would you say are acquainted with your personal needs, dependencies and weaknesses?”

He was a thoughtful person, and after a pause, said, “Well, actually probably none. I mean, I enjoy spending time with them, and also helping support them in their lives. But that personal stuff is a little hard for me.”

I said, “Then this is probably a good growth point for your own work and life. You need some two-way relationships, that is, people who open up to you, and people to whom you open up.”

The conversation went on, but the man understood where we were going, and got the message. He went to work on his two-way relationships, and I think prevented a lot of train wrecks in his life and career.

Leaders are a special group of people, and many leaders share a common weakness: they tend to be better givers than receivers. That is, the role of leadership often has the power to skew you toward being too focused on providing support, help, encouragement and grace to others, while neglecting your own needs and life.

There is certainly a lot that is good about being a giving person. It is the model of God as giver of Life; and the second greatest command is to love others as ourselves (Matt. 22:39). But at the same time, we can’t give to others what we don’t possess. You can’t provide from an empty cup: “…what do you have that God hasn’t given you?…(I Cor. 4:7, NLT).”

Just as those people you care about in work, family in life, you also need the ingredients of help that you provide for them. Here are a few to look at, and ask yourself, am I requesting, and receiving these, as well as providing them?

  • Grace: someone being “for” you, and on your side
  • Love: someone you can go to when you’re feeling down, lonely or isolated
  • Acceptance: someone knowing your faults and weaknesses and cares about you anyway
  • Safety: someone who won’t judge or condemn you, but will understand your failings and walk alongside you
  • Comfort: someone who will pick you up when you are discouraged
  • Truth: someone who will give you feedback and guidance when you need it.

This is often a little tough for leaders to go out and develop. You might wonder if you’ll be seen in a negative light by others, or if somehow needing these elements will disqualify you from leadership. You may even think leaders need to be strong all the time.

Check these perceptions out with a healthy, growing leader whom you respect and admire. My money will be on the probability that they will tell you, “It’s just the opposite. A large part of my success is due to my having people in my life that I open up to. It gives me strength, acceptance, motivation and direction.”

So look around in your life and start adding another direction to those one-way, all-giving relationships in your life and work! God bless

How Counselors Work with the Townsend Leadership Program (TLP)

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If you are interested in increasing your practice and revenues by using your counseling skills, think about applying to become a Townsend Leadership Program (TLP) Director.   We have found that counselors who become Directors experience excellent results because of their training in attunement, healing and diagnostics. Leaders especially need a confidential place to grow in their personal and professional lives. Here’s a little information about the program:

The model is a group-based leadership training experience, in which a Director takes their team of leaders, from all sorts of industries, through a monthly intensive day, for a year at a time. We will train you in the agenda for those days, including:

  • Helping them set stretch goals for the year
  • Engaging with John’s monthly video content regarding leadership growth
  • Facilitating team process groups where they can be vulnerable and experience growth at a deep level
  • Having work sessions where they use the team to solve organizational challenges
  • Assigning meaningful homework to them to keep the growth going
  • Providing monthly individual coaching sessions for them between team days.

In addition, a huge growth opportunity awaits the professionally trained clinician and a credentialed TLP Director. As outlined below, the benefits include:

  • Personal training by John and Elaine Morris, John’s business partner
  • Monthly videoconference calls with John and other directors
  • John’s proprietary content and marketing materials provided
  • Being part of a national community of TLP Directors with vast knowledge and varied backgrounds and experiences
  • Opportunity for corporate coaching, training, and consulting with your TLP members

So connect with us and find out how your impact as a counselor can grow!

Get to the “Why”

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Great leaders use the skill of digging into the true causes of why challenges happen, and don’t stop with “try harder” solutions, which simply don’t work most of the time.

I was working with the executive staff of a several hundred million dollar company, and asked the sales manager how things were going. He said, “My best salesperson Robert is not hitting his numbers and it’s impacting the whole team.” I said, “That’s tough, what did you say to Robert about this?” He said, “I told him there are a lot of people who want this job, so pay attention.”

I asked him, “Did you ask him why he’s not hitting quota?” “No”, he said, “He’s a professional, he just needed some motivation.” “Not all the time”, I said. “There is any number of causes for performance problems: lack of clarity, being overwhelmed, lack of resourcing and even being discouraged, for starters. You need to find the “why” before you tell him he needs to work harder.”

A month later, the sales manager told me, “I explored with Robert what was going on and I found out that I was the problem. I had given him too much territory and didn’t prioritize them for him. Once it was solved, his numbers went back up.”

Leaders are under lots of pressure, and sometimes don’t feel they have the time to dig into the “why” of things with their people. But my experience in consulting with organizations is that you actually don’t have time not to dig.

That is, a tactical answer to a strategic problem, or a pat answer to a complex cultural issue will always result in more time, energy and resource wasted until the problem is truly solved. Think about all the time you wasted with a respiratory infection not wanting to go the doctor for antibiotics, and you get the picture.

Here are some helpful tips for being a great leader with a great “Why”:

  • Save “work harder” as the last solution. Sometimes it truly is the solution. But it’s easy to default to it. Just keep it in your pocket.
  • Ask your directs what they think is causing the problem before you say what you think. Avoid the leadership disease of coming up with the answer first and then having everyone else shut down because they don’t want to push back.
  • Use “Why” several times. This technique has been very powerful for me in solving complex problems with companies. For example:
    • Why are we losing market share?
      • Because we aren’t attracting the market.
    • OK, why is that?
      • Because our approach is outdated.
    • I understand, why do you think that is?
      • Because we’ve been scrambling and haven’t gotten feedback on how our market is changing.
    • Makes sense, why is that?

You will get to the bottom much quicker for the true solution.

“Why” takes patience and requires some restraint. But you stand a much greater change of resolving knotty problems in your organization once and for all.

Best to your leadership.

Who Are You Accountable To as a Leader?

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As I leader, I have to admit that I hate being accountable.  It is not that I want to rob banks or run red lights.  It is more that I love freedom and having lots of choices.  There is nothing wrong with freedom, it’s great.    But if that freedom has no accountability to it, you run the risk of losing focus and clarity on what your leadership mission is.

To be accountable is to answer to someone you trust and respect.  All leaders need someone to advise, counsel, direct and guide us.  When we are accountable, we open up about our challenges, questions, and decisions.  Those we answer to have their own tasking; to provide grace and truth to us, in the same way that we should do with others. As a leader, you have no idea of the potholes you will miss, and the opportunities you will reap if you are accountable.

When I am consulting with a management team, no one argues that point. Nobody has ever said to me, “I don’t need to be accountable to anyone.”  That is, except when my kids were teenagers.  Most of us just know that accountability is a good thing.  The problem comes when we either pick the wrong people to be accountable to, or when we don’t truly answer to those people

Here is the issue of the wrong people:  we become accountable to our spouse, God, and our friends.  That sounds great, but it is not enough.  You can slide by your spouse and justify your decisions.  God will let you slide and make your own choices.  And your friends will rubber stamp you.  You don’t have enough of the right people on the right bus.  I recommend you get 3-10 people of character and maturity, to whom you say, “Here is my life and leadership.  Here are my numbers, here are my challenges.  I give you full permission to ask me the hard questions.”  Now you’ll get somewhere.

Here is the issue of not truly being accountable:  you get the benefit when you listen, follow up, and report back the outcomes.  Don’t go into the “my mind is made up, please don’t give me the facts” trap.  Deeply listen in a vulnerable way to what your people tell you. Go beyond listening to acting on what you hear.  Take steps.  And finally, report back to those to whom you are accountable.  Maybe you did 10% of what they recommended.  Maybe you did 100%.  But if you do this, you will reap great fruit and see measurable change.

I still don’t like accountability.  But I do it.  And it pays off for my own life and leadership.  It will for you too.  God Bless you.

Do you have any stories about the benefits of accountability? Share your thoughts in the comments section below!

What is a Coach?

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What is a coach? While there are many definitions, it is essentially a person trained to help people improve their lives in specific ways. A coach knows how to help you improve your business, become a better leader, or meet personal goals. In its purest form, coaching is a means of receiving truth to help you grow wiser, or more skilled in living.

I personally have received coaching for a long time, and have benefited greatly, both professionally and personally. I can’t imagine not having some sort of structured relationship which intentionally focuses on my growth and success. Below are some of the major aspects of coaching that benefit leaders:

Advocacy | A coach is for you. His role is to help you get where you want to go. He functions as an advocate – someone who is on your side. Leaders often find themselves surrounded by people who are seeking personal gain, or have some other agenda behind their advice. The objective nature of the coaching position protects the leader from these hidden agendas. The coach wants your best, and your best alone. I recently told an executive I was working with, “I know you are concerned about the other members of your team. We’ll find ways to help them. But I am primarily focused on your improvement. And we can help them get their own coach.” He needed to know that rain or shine, in success or struggle, he had someone who was focused on him and his own best practices.

A Structure | The coach has an orientation and structure she has studied and is competent in. She has a philosophy of improvement. She knows what leaders need to do, and how to provide the resources they need to be successful. This structure is what distinguishes coaching from friendship, support and encouragement. It may include these elements, but the structure takes you much further. Friends won’t usually ask you to report back to them on a homework assignment, but a coach will. She operates much like a football coach; designing the plays that will help you to win the game. She knows what to anticipate, and what the outcome likely will be.

Individual Understanding |The best coaches are very good listeners. They know that real success doesn’t come from a cookie-cutter approach, but from an individualized understanding. While the overall coaching structure may apply to all clients, a good coach actively listens to you and understands your individual situation and context. There is a great deal of room within the framework of the structure. He then tailors the approach to you, rather than tailoring you to the approach. He also digs beneath the surface, beyond the symptoms and behaviors that are going on. He gets to the underlying themes that are either holding you back, or needing to be developed.

To illustrate, let’s say that you have a difficult time completing tasks and projects. You are a great starter, but somehow you find that things never get finished. You know you could be achieving at a higher level, but those unfinished things are holding you back, and you want your coach to help you resolve this.

There are several possible causes of your problem, such as: allowing others to dictate your schedule, living a chaotic life, having a tendency to rescue others, being attracted to the urgent over the important, becoming bored in being diligent, experiencing a personal crisis, fearing failure, or fearing success. A good coach will listen and get to know you. He will uncover with you the real theme that is holding you back, and then set up the steps to help you get past it.

A process orientation | Achieving lasting change and improvement takes time, so don’t expect instant results. In his book Outliers, cultural and business expert Malcolm Gladwell says that truly exceptional people who make a difference have had around 10,000 hours of experience in their field of expertise (pp. 35-68). Real success involves real time. A coach understands the process, and uses it for your betterment. Together you develop the path, set the incremental goals, deal with the obstacles, and keep things accountable.

Coaching can help you make the changes you want to see; it can also help you make the changes you haven’t yet recognized, but need to. Best wishes on the process.

Become “Healthily Selfish”

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This Christmas and New Year season, make a resolution for yourself that will actually get you somewhere next year: learn to be “healthily selfish.” You will surprised by the progress and growth you experience in the important areas of your life with this skill.

Let’s first clarify that “selfishness” all by itself isn’t a good thing at all. It puts our own interests out there at the expense of others, and ultimately backfires in life. Healthy selfishness is actually about being a responsible steward of your time and energy, while at the same time caring for, and serving those you care about. Here are some principles and tips that will help you.

· Actually write down your own goals for this year. Healthy people do more than consider what they want to accomplish. They actually take the time, focus and energy to write their goals down. It will take time away from what others want of you, but it will be worth it.

· Before you answer others’ requests for your time, review your priorities. A critical mistake people make in the morning is to answer emails, texts and phone calls before they really consider what they themselves want their day to look like. The result is that the day is controlled by others’ agenda for you, and not your own. Instead, resist the temptation to respond to others first, and simply spend a few minutes reviewing what your priorities are for that day. You will find that the demands and requests of others will find their place within your agenda, rather than hijacking your agenda.

· Express to others what you truly desire and need. Your needs are good things. They are the fuel to your growth and success. You and you alone are responsible for your own needs, and they are yours to convey. It’s not a narcissistic move to say “I need some time with you” “I need some time for myself” or “I’d like to talk about an idea I have with you.” It is simply how life works. No one can say what we need but ourselves. We truly don’t have, because we don’t ask (James 4:2).

· Say “no” every day. I study uber-successful people, to understand their own secret sauce. One consistent habit these individuals have is that they almost NEVER go through a day without at least one polite but clear statement in which words come out like “No”, “Can’t do that”, “That doesn’t work for me” or “Sorry, that won’t happen. ” You have to exercise that “no muscle” on a daily basis, to keep it working smoothly and consistently. And you’ll still be a nice person!

Be “healthily selfish”—that is, be in control of your time and energy. And do good in the world.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year,

John Townsend