growth

The Oldest Shoe Store in America and What We Can Learn from It

September 4, 2019 by Dr. John Townsend Leave a Comment

My wife Barbi and I recently returned from a combination trip of attending a close friend’s destination wedding, plus vacationing, both in the beautiful state of Maine. We stayed in the downtown area of the seaport village of Belfast. Across the street from us was a brick building with the sign: “Colburn Shoes: Oldest Shoe Store in America 1832.” 187 years. Now that is a run!

Since I do a great deal of work with family businesses, I had to find out their secret sauce. So we walked over and got to know Brian Horne, the father of the present owner, Colby, who purchased it from his dad a few years back. Brian was generous in providing me with time and information.

The story is that the Colburn family originally owned and operated the store for several generations, then the Horne family bought it from them a few generations ago, but kept the name. It has been in continual operation all that time. I asked Brian the secret to this sort of amazing longevity. He said it came down to 2 things:

Keeping up with the product. Brian said shoe lines and styles are always changing, and someone has to continue researching what will work in the current market.
Prioritizing great customer service. The Colburn staff spends a great deal of time with their customers, both local and vacationers like us. I observed that dynamic in a couple of trips to the store. They were engaging with the shoppers, asking questions and finding out what they were interested in.

I asked about internet competition with brick and mortar establishments. Brian said, “We had some scares in the beginning of that shift. But shoes seem to be a product that requires a tangible and personal shopping experience, so we have done all right.” Barbi and I were also impressed with our own personal shopping experience, enough so that she bought a couple of pairs of shoes, and I bought my first-ever Birkenstocks. See the photo of Brian, my Birks and me.

Now, on a leadership and business level, think about the two secret sauces. The first is task-related: knowing and having the right product. The second is people-related: connecting and communicating with people. It always boils down, ultimately, to these two.

We can all learn from the Colburn story. Go visit them on your next trip to Maine!

Best,

John

My Epiphany – By Craig Kautsch

June 14, 2019 by Dr. John Townsend Leave a Comment

I remember it vividly. I was 31 years old and the retail business that I built from the ground up just failed. I had a custom house in the country on 8 acres, two kids on the ground and a stay at home wife. All the work, all the effort, all the dreams….gone. I built the retail empire throughout my 20s to millions in sales and three locations. I donned the cover of the local business publications as the up and comer entrepreneur. I thought I was the cat’s a#%…right up until I wasn’t.

I began weeping uncontrollably driving into town to close the last store. I pulled off the highway because I couldn’t see or breathe. Facing the heaviness and embarrassment of 1.7 million in bad debt was more weight than I could handle. I knew this was an inflection point for me. I wiped the tears from my eyes and got back on the highway. I grit my teeth and clenched my fists for the next 8 years to pay it all off through my new real estate investment company.

But I was still afraid for some reason.

Once I could see more clearly and was no longer in survival mode, I noticed some of the same patterns showing up that caused the first failure. I couldn’t pinpoint the underlying reasons but I could clearly see some of the behaviors and outcomes that seemed chillingly familiar. My epiphany? There was one common denominator in both scenarios…ME!

My desire was to avoid the same path to destruction and I was sensing familiar patterns. Patterns of isolation, imbalance, frustration, and an inability to see and embrace reality. I knew I couldn’t solve this on my own because I’ve been down that path.

What did I do about it? I joined a TLP group! I learned of TLP through one of my best friends and saw significant changes in him. He was course correcting and going in a new direction, a better direction, the direction I wanted. If it was working for him why couldn’t it work for me?

TLP helped me discover three things that changed my life and business forever.

1. How to recognize my blind spots and work on them in a safe environment.

1. How to the get the people fuel I need to consistently operate at my highest level

How to truly connect which has made me a magnetic leader that people are eager to follow.

Fast forward 4 years and my level of growth is exploding through the TLP experience. Transitioning from being in a TLP group to being a TLP director has had a significant impact on me. Having almost 80 employees keeps me very busy but my passion project of facilitating a TLP group has been a key part of my growth.

Nothing makes me more excited than to watch isolated leaders begin to see the light. Walking alongside them while their capacity to execute on their vision expands. Witnessing their entire organization and family life go to new places because they were able to unlock their potential is exhilarating! It feels like a rebirth for the second half of my life and a launchpad to lead leaders. The TLP experience has both immediate and eternal upside!

Craig Kautsch

TLP Director

Quality Family Time in the Digital Age

March 19, 2019 by Dr. John Townsend Leave a Comment

Family is the context in which we learn to love, connect, become ourselves, grow and recharge. But we can’t assume it’s a totally protected and safe place. We have to guard our homes against everything from toxic influences to time distractions. If your family includes kids, it’s even more important, because they need our help and advocacy. Our culture is well into the digital age now. It is here to stay, and I believe it’s overall a very good thing. At the same time, the digital age can bring in influences you don’t want, and it can certainly bring in time distractions. So here are some ideas to help you keep your family experiencing the quality time it needs, while still living in the reality of an online world.

Set clear “non-pixellated times”: A friend gave me this phrase, and I love it. The digital world is easily accessible 24/7 and will be for the rest of our lives. So don’t wait for things to change to preserve family health. Set time periods where there is no digital access, including online, mobile phones, tablets, etc. Hey, Bill and Melinda Gates did this with their kids www.independent.co.uk

Put intentional thought into what “quality time” means. It’s one thing to set limits on digital time. It’s another to fill that void with great conversations and activities. Don’t substitute this with TV, movies and video games. Neuroscience research has shown that these activities have some value to mental growth in terms of some information and learning, but a lot of use ends up being at best “empty calories” for your family (basically just marking time until they grow up and leave home) and at worst, creating passivity and a lack of initiative. So be the parent who researches and comes up with structured fun activities, interactions, conversations, excursions, games and service projects. Fill that void. Your kids need it, and it will be over sooner than you think.

Love is free, freedom is earned. Your kids need your love and emotional attunement to their experiences and feelings. That is a basic need and a requirement for good parenting. But their freedom to choose how they spend their time must be earned by their good behavior. Laptops, mobile phones, tablets, TV, and gaming are not a right. They are a privilege. So if your kids are responsible in life, especially in their use of digital time, let them have age-appropriate access. If they choose to overdo things and aren’t responsible, then they are sending you a signal saying, “Help! I’m not yet mature enough to manage all this, I’m overwhelmed, please step in and be the structure I need!” Well, they won’t say that to you, but it’s still a message of what they need.

I hope this helps. You can make a difference here. For more in-depth info on this subject, read Boundaries: Updated and Expanded Edition by myself and Dr. Henry Cloud (Zondervan Publishing, 2017). The book is a New York Times bestseller and includes a chapter about having great boundaries in the digital age. Best to you!

How to Overcome Rejection

March 11, 2019 by Dr. John Townsend Leave a Comment

Rejection. The word itself can make us wince. It brings up marriage and dating failures, job problems, and friendship and family snafus. Simply defined as “dismissing”, rejection is the act of turning away from someone or something. Actually, rejection is not a bad thing, we do it all the time. We reject one menu entrée for another at dinner, and we reject one Netflix show for another. But when we are rejected in a personal relationship, it can be very painful and derailing. Oh yeah, and 100% of us have been rejected at some time or another in our lives. So it is a normal human experience. So here are some tips to help you overcome it. You can’t overcome the reality of rejection. People have the freedom to reject us, and we do as well. But you can do something about the emotional disruptiveness that occurs.

Be honest about the feeling. Just say or write down, “X has rejected me. He is no longer in my life, and I feel unlikeable, cut off, unimportant, not valuable”, whatever. That’s just the reality of how you feel. Neuroscience research tells us that when we don’t face a negative, we can’t fix it. So bite the bullet and be clear about the feeling.

Parcel out the causes. There are very few cases where rejection is 100% the other person, though they do exist. So take a hard look at the relationship. What was the other person’s responsibility? Maybe they were critical, judging, dishonest or perfectionistic person. That’s bad! But go beyond that, to what your part was: perhaps you chose to overlook issues instead of addressing them, didn’t respect yourself, or didn’t admit your own flaws. That needs to be recognized. And then get to work on whatever was the beam in your own eye. That will also help decrease the pain of the rejection.

Bring to mind the “rest of” yourself. Sure, you were rejected. But that doesn’t mean that you’re a worthless person at all. Remember that you are also a pretty decent and kind person as well. Don’t get lost in the “I’m totally unlovable” thinking pattern, it will get you nowhere.

Replace the one who left. No one should be alone. Make sure you have other people in your life who “get” you, who are good listeners and who believe in you. The more you are isolated after a rejection, the more powerful the rejection. And if we’re talking dating or marriage, don’t rebound. I know it feels great. But the statistics say that if you use romantic attachment as a self-soother, you are very likely to be in the same position a few months down the line. Get with non-romantic, deep, faithful friends before you venture out into romance again.

Here is a goal: get so balanced and healthy that the next time you are rejected you’ll say, “Ouch, that’s sad. Oh well, I’ll call some friends and learn from it and have a great dinner.” Well, it won’t be that easy, but it will be better!

Motivating Yourself to Start Doing “Whatever”

March 5, 2019 by Dr. John Townsend Leave a Comment

We all have some “whatever” that we just can’t motivate ourselves to start taking steps towards weight loss, job changes, marriage improvement, self-image growth, budgeting, health, and dating, for example. And there is a big gap between wanting a change, and actually doing the behaviors required to make the changes. But there are things you can do today, actually right now, to translate your “want” to action. By the way, this article isn’t a “path to success”, that’s a different blog. It’s more of a “get motivated to start by some good action steps” procedure. Here are the tips:

Clarify your “why”. Write down and read through several times, why this area of self-improvement is so important to you. Motivation comes from values and desires from deep within our brain, and they are very powerful to change behavior if we understand them. For example, say you want to lose 30 pounds. Your “why” might be because you want to feel better, to have more energy, to be a better mom or dad to your kids, to live a longer and more productive life, or to be able to wear skinny jeans! Whatever the “why” is, it has to be more than a thought, it must involve a feeling that also resonates inside. Keep working on it until you have it clarified.

Visualize the positive outcome. This is basically unpacking the “why” and applying it to the future. Write down a description of how you will experience life without the extra weight. It might be something like “I’ll wrestle with my kids more in the living room because I feel good and have the energy to spare.” Some sort of “video” makes things more real and vivid for us.

Focus at least 3 times a day until you actually “do” a behavior. Research on motivation and change shows us that in some area of life that we often get stuck, or paralyzed, or afraid to do some step. If this has been true for you, give yourself time to think and reflect on the “why,” intentionally focusing on that area. Your brain will enter a state of readiness and be prepared for that step. In the example of weight loss, that might mean signing up for a weight loss class. That’s a commitment and an action.

Let 3 people know. You need people on your team here! Just letting them know about your “why” and what your first step will be, is a tremendous motivator. They become your cheering section, and this will help you with that next action.

Motivation can lead to behavior, and behavior to change. I hope the best for you!

Career World from Job World: Following Your Passion

February 19, 2019 by Dr. John Townsend Leave a Comment

Work is a major section of your life, taking up 40-60 hours a week, and for decades. It’s important, and you need to think through it objectively and make those decades produce something meaningful for you. But it’s sometimes difficult to know when it’s time to pull the trigger and make the transition from a job to a career.

A job matters in that it’s a way to pay the bills. It provides some security for you. However, a career not only provides the compensation, but also serves as a way to take your passions, develop them to a high level, produce a meaningful product or service, and develop yourself on a growth track along with way.

Fewer people are sticking with one successful career these days; there are too many opportunities to learn and grow in different areas. So be ready and agile for that possibility.

I am often asked the question of “how do I know when it’s time to quit my job and go for the career?” Here are the answers I provide, which are customized to different people’s situations:

Determine your passion. There is a percentage of people who unfortunately have to do things they are not interested in, to make a living. Don’t assume that you are in that group. Instead, go ahead and do a “passion search” to feel what you need to feel about your career: enthusiastic, curious, energized, losing time. The quickest way to do that is to search MyMajors.com for lots of areas and specific roles in which you might be interested. Beyond that, you’ll probably want to hire a career coach, who will have assessments and so much more information that you do. Very much worth it.

When you have researched where you want to go. Some people quit their job and then figure out the next step. I have seen it work from time to time, but not regularly. I recommend taking nights and weekends during your job weeks, and doing R&D on your desired career: read about it, talk to people, take courses, go to conferences. You may find that it’s not a good fit for you. Or you may find that you know a lot more about it and are ready to go.

When you know the players, and there is a position or a good chance of one. Jobs come and go. But you need steady people who are impressed with you and want to keep you around. I call these people “advocates”, and they will put energy into you getting the right position. Talk with them, meet anyone they want you to meet. They are feeding you opportunities.

When you can afford the move. It can be a scary time to go from an unsatisfying position which does provide a steady paycheck, to a gap where you’re not sure of anything. You’re letting go of one trapeze, and don’t see the next one! So have funds saved up to have a minimal existence for a few months, so you can survive and concentrate on the career. I recommend 90 days of survival living that will keep you alive and motivated.

The longitudinal research about the end of life studies the regrets people have when life is almost over. The conclusion is that 15% of us regret what we did, those bad decisions. And 85% of us regret what we didn’t do, taking that chance.

Best to you,

John Townsend, Ph.D.